When I'm in school, I have so many projects I want to do, but I can't. There's no place to build a boat, and I usually just can't find the time to program as much as I want to. So what do I do? I write "Summer Goals" at the top of a sheet of paper and start listing them all. Right now I have thirteen projects that are all fairly large.

I've been trying to work on one of them, a computer program I'm writing to help me manage my finances. As anyone who loves programming can tell you, it's not even about making the program - it's about learning new skills and thinking through the problem. In other words, I'm writing this program just to see if I can.

But now that I have a summer job, I don't feel like doing anything else. It's very difficult for me to understand, because at school I'm used to having so many ideas and being frustrated by the lack of time. But now, on my days off from my summer job, I don't even want to work toward any of my summer goals. This feeling is not just frustrating, it's depressing.

Now the weekend is almost over and work tomorrow hangs over my head like a dark storm cloud. And I feel like I've wasted the weekend, because all I want to do on my days off is hang out and have some fun (instead of work on my summer goals). This is terrible, because it should be the other way around. Hangin' out with the fellas should be the most fulfilling thing I could do, because it's what is really important in life.

So what's the meaning of all this? Am I afraid to grow up? Is that why I'd rather be in school than working a crappy summer job? I don't think so, because I believe I'd be happy if I got a programming job, even if it's for the rest of my life. Am I just lazy? Probably. But I don't see how wanting to have fun on days off makes a person lazy. In fact, I believe fun days off make a person sane.

I guess the solution to this problem is to not make a list of summer goals! Nevermind that I need some short-term goals to keep me going, and that if I don't do some of these things this summer, I'll never do them. No, that doesn't matter. I've got school in the fall and spring, and work during the summer. Why should I have any time for any other accomplishments?

Sigh...